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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

I get no respect...

Told my wife I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. She suggested a game called "sexy librarian." It's where I sit quietly at the end of the bed while she reads a book.

 Wife just yelled from upstairs: "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." Then she said, "How about now?"

She told her friends: Never wake a sleeping baby. Unless, that baby is the guy you married.

 People give a lot of relationship advice. You know mine? Two full bathrooms. You're welcome.

I was thinking of starting a cooking competition show but all the chef's spouses are there to keep standing in front of whatever drawer or cabinet they need to get into.

Marriage is between two people: One person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

 I asked her: Woman, are you a newspaper? Wife: No, why?  Me: Because you've got a new issue every day.

That's an ugly looking hat...but, it looks good on you!   (RD in Caddyshack).

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

May the Forth be with you.  What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his fur?  Chocolate chip Wookie.  Was Luke looking for love in Alderaan places?  A stormtrooper walks into a bar.  Bartender asks: "What's up?" Stormtrooper says: "I'm looking for my brother."  Bartender: "What's he look like?"  Laugh you must! May be an image of 1 person

  • 2 weeks later...

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