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JaybobHoosier

Comedic Relief/Joke Thread

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I get no respect...

Told my wife I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. She suggested a game called "sexy librarian." It's where I sit quietly at the end of the bed while she reads a book.

 Wife just yelled from upstairs: "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." Then she said, "How about now?"

She told her friends: Never wake a sleeping baby. Unless, that baby is the guy you married.

 People give a lot of relationship advice. You know mine? Two full bathrooms. You're welcome.

I was thinking of starting a cooking competition show but all the chef's spouses are there to keep standing in front of whatever drawer or cabinet they need to get into.

Marriage is between two people: One person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

 I asked her: Woman, are you a newspaper? Wife: No, why?  Me: Because you've got a new issue every day.

That's an ugly looking hat...but, it looks good on you!   (RD in Caddyshack).

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