THE CRIMSON MEMORIAL - IU GUILLOTINE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE (2026 SEASON)

[Zachetology]

I'm the Sons of Mendoza. My team could use some upgrades. 

[jermhoosierfan]

On 9/16/2026 at 7:59 AM, tyappleg said:

Me waking up realizing I won Chase, Pickens, and Tuten and have no FAAB left. 

 

 

 

I spent like $100 of FAAB, and I am figuring that in a format like this, the adds midway through the season will be much better.  But if you don't have the team to get to that point, you might have to spend a lot of it just to get there.

[Crimson and Cream]

Shoutout to "First one out", that's a heck of a self prophecy.

[CrossboneIU22]

THE SECOND PROPHECY OF THE CRIMSON MEMORIAL

The torches still burn.

The throne still waits.

And the Crimson Memorial has claimed another soul.

Last week, the league witnessed one of the greatest examples of nominative destiny in fantasy football history when a team called First One Out became exactly that.

Many believed such a coincidence could never happen again.

Those people were wrong.

This week, the Memorial demanded another sacrifice.

Unfortunately for DGAMBILL, the football gods had already made their selection.

With a score of 35.72 points, DGAMBILL has officially earned a permanent place among the Banished.

League statisticians are still reviewing the evidence, but preliminary reports suggest that scoring 35.72 points may not be enough to survive in a Guillotine league.

The ruling has been upheld unanimously.

The banner has been hung.

The record books have been updated.

The season moves forward.

---

THE HALL OF THE FALLEN

Week 1

FIRST ONE OUT
38.60 Points

Week 2

DGAMBILL
35.72 Points

Visitors are encouraged to pay their respects.

Visitors are discouraged from checking what their own team scored against DGAMBILL.

---

THE MIDNIGHT WAIVER AUCTION

As darkness settles over Memorial Stadium, another battle begins.

The waiver wire is now open.

Claims have been submitted.

Budgets have been endangered.

Some owners have spent the day studying snap counts, target shares, injury reports, and advanced metrics.

Others saw one highlight on RedZone and immediately decided they had found the next league winner.

By sunrise:

• Someone will land the hottest waiver target.
• Someone will lose by one dollar.
• Someone will lose by not submitting a bid at all.
• Someone will spend twice as much as necessary.
• Someone will convince themselves that spending 70% of their budget in Week 2 is "playing the long game."

Remember:

You started the season with $1,000.

You do not receive another $1,000 next month.

There is no second budget.

There is no emergency fund.

There is no fantasy football stimulus package.

Yet history suggests that at least one owner will wake up tomorrow morning wondering how they managed to spend enough FAAB to qualify for a loan application.

---

Meanwhile, twelve contenders remain.

Twelve banners still hang.

Twelve owners still believe the throne could be theirs.

Some are confident.

Some are nervous.

Some are already preparing next week's excuses.

But all twelve know the same truth:

The Memorial is never full.

There is always room for one more banner.

Twelve remain.

Two have fallen.

One will reign.

IU.

[CrossboneIU22]

BREAKING NEWS FROM CRIMSON MEMORIAL

Officials have confirmed that Hoosiers in the NFL has been escorted to the afterlife after posting a season-ending 54.34 points. Even with a game still to be played, the outcome is nearly certain.

Witnesses reported the team was last seen checking projections, saying, "There's no way this score won't hold up."

Narrator:

It did not hold up.

With another banner hung in the Memorial, only 11 contenders remain standing. Everyone still alive should remember one important fact:

You're not trying to score the most points.

You're just trying not to be the next banner hung in the hall.

See everyone next week for another episode of "How Did My Entire Team Forget How to Play Football?"