The Kentucky vs. Purdue Alumni Game

[Stuhoo 76,348]

While we were suffering this afternoon, a very high-level of security and secrecy was implemented while the Kentucky Wildcats and the Purdue Boilermakers squared off in their first ever alumni game:

 

The game was originally scheduled for coRUPPt Arena, but Cal did some research and found that UK had lost there before. It was then moved to Indianapolis, but IU owns that town. They finally settled on Pyongpang, North Korea, where both the Boliers and Kitties agreed that the neutral site fan base had the appropriate level of delusion.

 

Eric Bledsoe was scheduled to sing the national anthem, but could not read the lyrics. Instead, Cal hired Jack, the Purdue donkey who Coach Knight once interviewed, to stomp out a funky rhythm with his dainty hooves.

 

LewJack warmed up with some back room wacky tobacky, all the better to ease the pain of his jump shot. Terrance Jones sulked and would not come out of the locker room. Then, Marques Teague chased Jones out of the locker room by threatening him with an "Anthony Davis style" naked duct-tape spank-o-rama. Davis was nowhere to be found, as his $200,000 booster payment was being put on the table in a high-stakes poker game with Kim Jung Un.

 

The evening was supposed to start with a three point shooting contest, but Barlow stole the ball rack after Supreme Leader Kim warned him of impending enemy aggression. Instead, Calipari conducted a symposium entitled "How top athletes can become Kentucky style scholars". As a prime example he spoke about the academic success of...well... it was a very short speech.

 

Then the game started. As you might expect, Kentucky was the superior basketball team. JuJuan Johnson tried to trip DeMarcus Cousins with a rolled up Helms banner. Cousins first beat Johnson senseless, and then had him deported, as no European players were allowed in North Korea. Kramer, ever the schemer, wore a Robert Morris jersey and his shots started falling, but just when it looked like Purdue might prevail, World Wide Wes made it rain, and the North Korean referees were replaced by Cal and Wes' choice, Casual Gamer Reed. Reed started throwing fried food and boogers at the feet of the Boilers, all while exclaiming " That der fella over dere oughta git oughta tha way of my good ol Kentucker boys for I marry another one a ma cousins raght here a-centra court!"  The Purdue players ran away scared, and continued their worldwide search for less ugly girls.

 

SOOOOOO, if that game today has you down, always remember...

It could be a lot worse.

[Naturalhoosier 15,366]

Holy Crap Stu!  Bringing the funnies tonight!!!  Thanks brother!!!!!

[Stuhoo 76,348]

Thought the mood needed to be lightened a bit!

[Hoosierfan78 13]

Haha, this just made me smile :)