Barrel Rick

you’ve always been wise, Stu..

the Barrel happens to have an unordinary insight on this particular player.. my only advice is to listen to what Ricky tells ya.. Braylon has been drawing immense interest from Purdue, Northwestern, Kentucky, and most recently Juwan Howard and the Wolverines. he’s only a junior, but Rickwald can assure you that as of 9/18/23, he’s only really considering two of those programs, one being Indiana. i’ll update in due time, but for now i have to deficate.. - Barrel Rick, 2023 sponsored by Medicap Pharmacy, Luke Meredith, Jensen’s Pawn, and Riley Park Tire.

have no shame, Bulldog.. this kid’s jumper’s enough to make any grown man dance the night away.. - Ricky

never doubt the Barrel.

hey ya’ll.. for those of you who don’t know me, i am Barrel Rick; the most trustworthy insider in the history of Indiana University Men’s Basketball.. as a smaller number of you may know, i also happen to be the team masseuse here in Bloomington. during my 6 a.m. appointment with Coach Yasir Rosemond this morning, i was informed that we have extended an offer to Braylon Mullins, the 2025 guard out of Greenfield-Central High School. Mullins’ other current offers include Iowa, Notre Dame, and Virginia Tech among others. an unbelievably talented shooter, Mullins would make for great company alongside fellow incoming Hoosiers Gabe Cupps, Cooper Flagg, and Jordan Clarkson. as for the likelihood of his commitment, i can’t be so sure.. Yas explained to me that although these Division 1 offers are enticing, his heart and lifelong fan-ship belongs to the Nordic Mustangs of Colby College in Waterville, Maine, and that if they extend an offer, he may have no choice but to go D3. anyways, i’ve got to rub Kenya Hunter down in balsamic dressing at 3:15, but i wanted to update the BTB faithful on what’s to come for this program.. - Barrel Rick, 2023 p.s. Alaska Hoosier, you’ve still got my wife’s golf clubs in your cellar; return my calls or else.

he’s timid at the knee pits..

hey y’all, Ricky checkin’ in.. in light of the recent news regarding the two new additions to the conference, i would like to bring some Barumblings (rumblings received by the Barrel, the most trustworthy insider in the history of IUMBB) to my people here at BTB. i sat and talked with Coach Woodson last night after i finished my evening massage for Anthony Leal. we shared a brisket.. he relayed to me that not only will Oregon and Washington be joining us, but along with them will come two more universities.. The first being the Horned Ponies of Cal Poly Northeastern A&M. The second, is Duke. If you remember one thing, let it be that The Barrel doesn’t miss. - Ricky, 2023 sponsored by Hormel Chili, Big Woods Brewery, St. Peterschmidt Methodist Reptile Hospital, and Best Buy of Columbus, Indiana.

hey y’all, Ricky checkin’ in.. it’s been a moment since i’ve spoken.. each Hoosier Heartbreak brings me closer to chronic depression, and my inflamed bowels have returned after years of battle.. my @$$ is on fire. as for a Barrelupdate, i wanted to let my friends here at BTB know before it’s made public, but i have accepted a job as the lead masseuse for the men’s basketball program here at Indiana University. i’ve been learning the art of massage in the wooded hills of my Nashville home, and after a dinner my wife and i had recently with Coach Woodson, offered him a deep tissue squeeze.. he looked tense. after the rubbage, Mike explained to me that i have the hands of a Macedonian princess, and offered me a full-time position. i would like to thank StuHoo, who first introduced me to my new found love of massage, and Hovadipo for building my karate dojo turned massage parlor from the ground up. tonight, i strum mandolin atop my roof, and dream of better days for this program.. thank you all.. - Barrel Rick, 2023 sponsored by Hormel Chili, NAPA Auto Parts, County Materials Corporation, Applebees’s of Columbus, and my uncle DeAnthony.

bet my wife's breast implants on Kaleb Banks over 36.5. she's pissed, but Ricky don't give a damn.. suck my Ricky Balls, Boilers.

hey ya'll, Rickminton checkin' in.. looks like it's the Buckeyes tonight. every time they come to Bloomington, it reminds me of the night I accidentally got 37 buckeye candies stuck in my anus. it was 1980, and Mark Cuban stuffed em' in there during a Sigma-Chi rush event.. don't ask; it brings horrendous reminiscence. as for the Hoosiers tonight, Woodson told me at brunch this morning that we may see some light minutes from Xavier Johnson. this would be absolutely treacherous for our team, as he is absolutely horrid at the game of basketball. i have heard that Trayce may be on limited minutes due to taint strain, and Tamar may not play at all due to a non-Covid related STD. i did catch Miller Kopp walking into the practice facility this morning, where he told me and i quote, "these Buckeyes some b*tches, best believe dat!" opposite to usual Rickdiction, i have the Hoosiers taking this one in grand fashion tonight, 101-36.. Anthont Leal breaks the single-game scoring record with 72. - Barrel Rick, 2023, sponsored by Hormel Chili, Belle Tire, White Castle, and Greenfield Power & Light

did Ricky call it, or did Ricky call it? #DontDoubtDaBarrel

hey y'all.. as most of you know, I am Mike Woodson's brother in law, and widely considered among the fanbase to be the most trustworthy insider in the history of Indiana basketball. while I don't speak on it often, thru Mike; Tom Allen and I have become very close. this morning, Tom and I had brunch at the iHop here on College Mall, and I asked him to spill Ricky some Hormel Beans on the new quarterback that we're hearing so many Rickumblings about. "it's Tayven Jackson, Rickwald," he confessed to me with a devilish grin.. Tom also confirmed to me that Cam Camper unfortunately was just today, diagnosed with a swollen left testacle, and could be out for the year. prayers up, Cam. ice that thang. - Barrel Rick, 2023, sponsored by Hormel Chili, Belle Tire, and White Castle

Hey ya’ll, Ricky checkin’ in.. I wasn’t going to post for tonight’s game, because I’m in the building.. As some of you know, CJ Gunn is my grandson. His father Christopher is my son, and yes; JR got his game from Ricky.. Family matters aside, these Hoosiers are absolutely f*cked tonight. My sources tell me TJD is sitting out due to a left ball burst, and that he’s going to be court-side in a suit and tie this evening. I did get a chance to talk to Woody at breakfast earlier, where he told me that Trayce will have an icing-device located in his trousers, to ease the burn. Prayers to you, and both of yours Trayce. I texted CJ this morning to ask that he please score 64 points, and if he doesn’t do so, I’m going to take a big ol’ Ricky steamer in his Thanksgiving desserts tomorrow. That’s all BR can do for ya’ll. - Barrel Rick, 2022, sponsored by Hormel Chili

hey y'all.. Ricky checkin' in.. Before I verbally assassinate this basketball program, let me begin by thanking those of you for your thoughts and prayers.. My anus removal went great. After numerous conversations with my doctor, my wife, and Donald Trump, I decided to have my anus permanently taken out, in an attempt to defeat my bowel disease once and for all. Yes, I can still sh*t.. I am currently undergoing physical therapy that will make it almost second nature to release feces from my belly button. In other great news, I'm headed south this week, as I'll be visiting my dear friend StuHoo for Thanksgiving, and rumor has it, his wife makes a cobbler that will knock your balls off. As for this team? We suck @$$. I'll take those fake Floridians by 69. Go Hoosiers. - Barrel Rick, 2022. sponsored by Hormel Chili

Hey y'all, Ricky checkin' iin.. Xavier huh? The Musketeers? Musk? ... Musk??? You expect us to beat a team named after the world's richest man? I got Jason Kelce and the 'Teers taking this one in grand fashion.. Xavier - 95 IU - 4 I apologize for my recent criticism of this program, but the fact that this team is an absolute dumpster fire, coupled with the fact that I have had 3 emergency anal cleansings over the last 3 days is really grinding my Rick gears.. As most of you know, I have struggled with a bowel disease for many years. that causes my @$$ to leak like the Wisconsin Volleyball team's photo library. Thank you to all my friends and family for your constant support during this time. and thank you Hovadipo for the Peruvian sausage you sent my wife and I thru the mail. Tomorrow? We rot in hell. - Barrel Rick, 2022. sponsored by Hormel Chili

Hello all, Ricky checkin’ in. After watching this absolute dumpster-fire of a team in their first outing of the year, I have to be honest, you know BR always is.. We suck @$$. It’s time to give up on any hope we had at a 5-win season, because that’s out the window. We play a Morehead State team, with perimeter weapons such as Shannon Sharpe & Kyle Rittenhouse, and Mike doesn’t have these guys stepping up? We’ve been doomed from the start.. My honest opinion after game 1? Abolish the ******* team. I talked to Mike this morning during our 24-Hour Fitness Zumba class, and he informed me that if we don’t win a national championship this year, he’s taking his knowledge of the game to the San Diego Western-Union Technical Institute for The Blind, Black & Lethargic. Can ya’ blame the guy? We’re f*cked. - Rick, 2022; sponsored by Hormel Chili

hey ya'll, rickwald checkin' in.. just wanted to stop by and give my thoughts on the current state of Hoosier Hoops.. we suck shaft. if our performance recently has taught me one thing, it's that Mike Woodson has scoliosis. what does that have to do with our team? not sh*t. but there's not much else to talk about, and my wife is Mike's spinal doctor. as for the game on Thursday, ya' know how Ricky does it; i'm a realist.. we're f*cked. the Terrapins are a group of young Turtles who are ready for war, and as for our home squad? we've got Trayce Jackson-Davis, and Miller Kopp who shoots it like my aunt Greg.. at this point, our only hope is Nathan Childress. unfortunately, i'm.. i'm not kidding.. everyone else on this hardwood looks as if they've just returned to sentience from a 37 year coma. i hate this f*cking team. - Ricky, 2022

hey y'all.. it's been a minute. just wanted to come on here and give my thoughts on tomorrow night's bout against those dirty bastards from up north.. let me start by saying, the Barrel will be in the building.. if ya' see a heavy-set man with Miller Lite's in each of his pockets; say hello.. as for the game; you know how Ricky does it.. i'm a realist. we're f*cked. jaden ivey? paolo banchero? jackson findley? this purdue team is stacked to the damn brim and then some.. if we cover the Rickspread (+83); i will be a man in utter astonishment.. as for those of you who know me, you know my relationship with Coach Woodson is tight-knit, and at our weekly brunch this morning he explained to me that we may be without Trayce Jackson-Davis tomorrow night.. now, i know that most of you are assuming that he's seen more trouble with his injury from last game than we assumed, but truthfully, he's suffered a new injury.. trayce tore his scrotum over the break.. to my understanding, he has had his sack on ice for virtually 48 hours straight, but he's still not at 100% according to team trainer Olivia DeJarnett.. "it works, but not well," she told me this evening.. put on the suit, Mikey.. for the love of God; we're gonna' need it.. - Ricky, 2022

memphis, my man.. i’ve received many texts and calls over the last week asking for some inside information regarding Mike’s portal experience; and it’s been hard to contain the beans as i’ve known of his commitment for weeks. i sat down with him over some flapjacks earlier this week to discuss his decision, and this is what he had to say.. ”washington offered me strippers, Ricky; simple as that.” while most believe that the primary factor behind the result was ex-Hoosier OC Kalen DeBoer; it seems Mike has other priorities.. another key-point that Mike continually drove home throughout our discussion was his love for the Washington mascot; Harry the Husky.. ”that’s a cute a$$ dog, man.. i just want to snuggle him all night,” Penix admitted to me.. as for us Hoosier fans; i think this decision was definitely what’s best for us moving forward as the now-former Hoosier quarterback performed similar to the likes of Ryan Seacrest under center this season. best wishes to ya’ Mike; try not to suck.. - Ricky, 2021

hey ya'll, 10 days.. 10 motherRicking days.. as most of you know, i've been snuggled up in my log home in the deep woods of Bloomington for the last 9 months; waiting impatiently for season tipoff.. with winter approaching us at cosmic speeds, the cold temperatures mean one thing.. Hoosiers Basketball.. now; for those who follow me on Myspace, you know that Morning Woodson and i are great friends. we golf together 4 times a week, we get iHop every Sunday, and our wives both got dummy rack.. keep this on the down town, but Mikey let me in on some inside information as we took the links this past Saturday.. Trayce Jackson-Davis has suffered a torn ham.. out for the season.. so, assuming you watch this team play; we're fecked. out of curiosity, Big Wood has been practicing Rob Phinisee at center.. now i know what you're thinking; why in the hell would he do such a thing? not many people know this, but Rob actually gained 235 pounds throughout the span of the off-season, and is now built like myself.. if ya' know Ricky, you should know that ain't a good look.. my wife makes me shower with my clothes on.. as for my game prediction, you know how Rick rolls.. i'm a realest, people.. Eastern Michigan takes this ballgame 107-13, with Johnny Jager using his 9th year eligibility to return to the floor, and score all 13 points. get ready, ya'll.. we're in for a long damn winter.. - Barrel Rick, 2021; sponsored by Hormel Chili

hey y'all, this weekend; Bloomington makes history.. no.. i don't mean that the Hoosiers are coming out victorious over the #10 Spartans.. i mean the Barrel is gonna' be in house.. you heard that correctly, for the first time since 1987; Ricky steps foot on Memorial grounds. now, i know what you're thinking.. is Rickwald coming to help out the coaching staff? is he taking over for Nick Sheridan? no.. i'm not. while Tommy has been banging the hell out of my home phone asking me to do so, i don't have that kind of time on my hands. i'm currently in the process of building a 7,000 square foot Lego replica of Brad's Brass Flamingo in my back yard.. don't ask. now; to cover the game.. we're f*cked. penix is injured, tuttle throws the ball like he's got christmas ornaments stuck in his rectum, and donavan mculley (my step-nephew eight times removed) hasn't seen the damn field yet. there's one way we win this football game.. one Rick-damn way.. toss me in the Crimson, Tom; it's BR time.. now, while i am 385 pounds, and in the physical shape of Bob Knight; Ricky can slang that f*cking ball. if i'm not in by the 3rd drive, start chanting for the Barrel.. Tom will not silence the Banner.. love ya'll, - Barrel Rick, 2021

hey ya'll, just wanted to come on and give my thoughts on today's game.. we suck donkey shaft.. what the hell was Mike Penix doing last night before he layed his head to rest? thinking about the game? going over the playbook? no, the kid was playing Fortnite with my wife. is that seriously what you want from your quarterback? the kid looked like Kent Benson out there tonight. if StuHoo isn't under center next weekend, i will be challenging Tom Allen to a nude chilli-cookoff on the 30 yard line of Memorial Stadium; and we all know Ricky doesn't lose a nude chilli-cookoff. love ya'll - Barrel Rick, 2021

hey ya'll, just wanted to come on and give my thoughts on the recent rumblings of a possible Jalen Ramsey acquisition.. i've watched some tape on the kid, and you know the Barrel always tells it like it is; this kid is sh*t.. no handle, no jumpshot, and by the looks of the women you may see on his Instagram stories; no kneehanger. personally, i believe that we should be showing more interest in a guy like Mike Rotch, an unranked forward out of The Technical Institute O' Northern Delaware A&M Taxidermy & Circus who just entered the portal.. i mean seriously, what good does it do us to recruit 5-star talent? what are we, Gonzaga? in the wise words of the late-great Brice Fox; this is Indiana.. we're losers, damn it! accept it, Woodson! (no disrespect Mike, i hope you and Terri are still aiming for 8 o'clock tomorrow at Texas Roadhouse.. mmhmm.. Ricky loves a bloomin' onion..) to put it in Rickman's terms; we need more Johnny Jager, and less Romeo Langford.. simple as that. p.s. StuHoo, we still on for 18 holes this weekend? love y'all.. - Barrel Rick, 2021

hey ya'll. - Barrel Rick, 2021