Barrel Rick

A month ago, I would have told you that Indiana were clear favorites to land Braylon. Things are getting very interesting. Can confirm the Mullins family has not been happy with the way the Hoosiers staff has handled things in recent weeks. Without saying too much, here’s a few names to keep a very close eye on: Shrewsberry Bennett Gard Calipari - Ricky, 2024

Sorry for the evacuation.. I sh*t myself in section 113; and it smells like the garage of a taxidermist. - Barrel Rick, 2024

Braylon now garnering interest from Kentucky. You heard it here first. - Barrel Rick, 2024

Hey y’all.. Ricky checkin’ in.. As I assume all of you have noticed, being that my aura is unmatched; I have taken an extensive leave of absence. For those of you who don’t know, I am the team masseuse for IUMBB.. I have rubbed the thighs of legends. Some of you may be under the impression that my work has been too busy, but truthfully.. This team just sucks armadillo nuts. Woody and I have stopped going for brunch, and it’s made our work relationship very strange.. he hasn’t requested a shiatsu in many moons. For those of you who don’t know my lore; CJ Gunn is also my grandson. From what I’ve heard, he’s received immense interest from The University of Northern Delaware A&M - Taxidermy & Circus, and from what I heard from his father, the interest is mutual. You know Ricky hates to be the bearer of bad news, but from what I’ve heard around the facility; Liam McNeely is considering taking his talents elsewhere. “Bring back Archie,” says the Barrel.. As for a prediction, the Nittany Lions take this one; 107-26. - Barrel Rick, 2024 sponsored by Hormel Chili, Braylon Mullins, Fazoli’s of Columbus, and Sony Records

Braylon’s newest two offers will be announced soon; Virginia and Wisconsin. I can confidently tell you that Indiana is still the favorite to land him as of 1/16/24. - Barrel Rick, 2024

He’s got 31 at half.

I have to sh*t. - Barrel Rick, 2024

What a life, what a legend. Thank you Bobby Knight. - Barrel Rick, 2023

hey y’all, Ricky checkin’ in.. i know you all have been waiting on me to break my silence on this situation, so i figured i’d take a few minutes to do so.. as some of you may know, i was in the car with Mackenzie that evening.. he asked me after practice if i was interested in a cheesy gordita crunch, and to no one’s surprise due to my 430 pound frame; i was interested.. as you can probably tell from recent headlines, i did not receive said gordita.. i was taken into custody shortly after Mack for performing The Walls of Jericho on the responding officer, but i stood up for our 5 star, and this program.. i write to you all from the Monroe County Jail.. i was denied bond, but i stashed a Galaxy S10 in my @$$. will keep everyone updated.. - Barrel Rick, 2023 sponsored by Hormel Chili & Christopher Gunn Jr. #FreeRicky

i would just like everyone to know that i am in the building, and if Boogie Fland commits to the University of Kentucky this afternoon, you will see him receive a classic Shawn Michaels Sweet-Chin-Music from the big boot of Rick just seconds after revealing his decision. - Barrel Rick, 2023

hey y’all, Ricky checkin’ in.. for those of you who don’t know me; do your damn research.. i am the most trustworthy insider in the history of IUMBB. for years, i have predicted some of our most glorious commitments.. Romeo Langford? Ricky called it.. Trayce Jackson-Davis? yep; Rick knew.. now, a smaller number of you may know that i happen to be the team masseuse for this program. i rub the agony of the day’s practice out of each and every one of these young men, and in return they supply me with information.. today, i’m here to speak on Boogie Fland.. as most of you know, Boogie is down to three schools, or so the media believes.. Indiana, Kentucky, and Alabama. Kentucky, one of the sh*ttiest programs in all of Division 1 hoops, is said to have the closest shot alongside the Hoosiers. from what Woody told me this morning at brunch, Boogie’s not interested in making love to any relatives, so Nate Oats and the Tide couldn’t offer him much. on Friday, Boogie Fland will commit to Indiana University, and i will ingest an entire pecan pie in celebratory fashion before my wife gives me some absolute treatment. Hammer Hoosiers. - Barrel Rick, 2023 sponsored by Hormel Chili, Trojan Condoms, St. Marco’s First Baptist Church, and Best Buy of Columbus, Indiana.

i don’t tell many.. i’ve struggled with gynecomastia most of my life; so i decided back in 2014 to just embrace it. my size 38DD breasts could shock the nation if only i could muster the courage to pop open this Hugo Boss button-down of mine. Ricky rocks a 6-XL, so as you could imagine; what’s underneath the cloth ain’t pretty.. - Barrel Rick, 2023

hehe..

my relationship with the fine people at Hormel is stronger than ever.. they weren’t paying me in dollars; just that sweet chili. and i need to watch my carbs.. i’m built like Roseanne Barr, Tom..

you’ve always been wise, Stu..

the Barrel happens to have an unordinary insight on this particular player.. my only advice is to listen to what Ricky tells ya.. Braylon has been drawing immense interest from Purdue, Northwestern, Kentucky, and most recently Juwan Howard and the Wolverines. he’s only a junior, but Rickwald can assure you that as of 9/18/23, he’s only really considering two of those programs, one being Indiana. i’ll update in due time, but for now i have to deficate.. - Barrel Rick, 2023 sponsored by Medicap Pharmacy, Luke Meredith, Jensen’s Pawn, and Riley Park Tire.

have no shame, Bulldog.. this kid’s jumper’s enough to make any grown man dance the night away.. - Ricky

never doubt the Barrel.

hey y’all, Ricky checkin’ in.. it’s been a moment since i’ve spoken.. each Hoosier Heartbreak brings me closer to chronic depression, and my inflamed bowels have returned after years of battle.. my @$$ is on fire. as for a Barrelupdate, i wanted to let my friends here at BTB know before it’s made public, but i have accepted a job as the lead masseuse for the men’s basketball program here at Indiana University. i’ve been learning the art of massage in the wooded hills of my Nashville home, and after a dinner my wife and i had recently with Coach Woodson, offered him a deep tissue squeeze.. he looked tense. after the rubbage, Mike explained to me that i have the hands of a Macedonian princess, and offered me a full-time position. i would like to thank StuHoo, who first introduced me to my new found love of massage, and Hovadipo for building my karate dojo turned massage parlor from the ground up. tonight, i strum mandolin atop my roof, and dream of better days for this program.. thank you all.. - Barrel Rick, 2023 sponsored by Hormel Chili, NAPA Auto Parts, County Materials Corporation, Applebees’s of Columbus, and my uncle DeAnthony.

he’s timid at the knee pits..

hey y’all, Ricky checkin’ in.. in light of the recent news regarding the two new additions to the conference, i would like to bring some Barumblings (rumblings received by the Barrel, the most trustworthy insider in the history of IUMBB) to my people here at BTB. i sat and talked with Coach Woodson last night after i finished my evening massage for Anthony Leal. we shared a brisket.. he relayed to me that not only will Oregon and Washington be joining us, but along with them will come two more universities.. The first being the Horned Ponies of Cal Poly Northeastern A&M. The second, is Duke. If you remember one thing, let it be that The Barrel doesn’t miss. - Ricky, 2023 sponsored by Hormel Chili, Big Woods Brewery, St. Peterschmidt Methodist Reptile Hospital, and Best Buy of Columbus, Indiana.

bet my wife's breast implants on Kaleb Banks over 36.5. she's pissed, but Ricky don't give a damn.. suck my Ricky Balls, Boilers.

hey ya'll, Rickminton checkin' in.. looks like it's the Buckeyes tonight. every time they come to Bloomington, it reminds me of the night I accidentally got 37 buckeye candies stuck in my anus. it was 1980, and Mark Cuban stuffed em' in there during a Sigma-Chi rush event.. don't ask; it brings horrendous reminiscence. as for the Hoosiers tonight, Woodson told me at brunch this morning that we may see some light minutes from Xavier Johnson. this would be absolutely treacherous for our team, as he is absolutely horrid at the game of basketball. i have heard that Trayce may be on limited minutes due to taint strain, and Tamar may not play at all due to a non-Covid related STD. i did catch Miller Kopp walking into the practice facility this morning, where he told me and i quote, "these Buckeyes some b*tches, best believe dat!" opposite to usual Rickdiction, i have the Hoosiers taking this one in grand fashion tonight, 101-36.. Anthont Leal breaks the single-game scoring record with 72. - Barrel Rick, 2023, sponsored by Hormel Chili, Belle Tire, White Castle, and Greenfield Power & Light

did Ricky call it, or did Ricky call it? #DontDoubtDaBarrel