Proposed Statement of Culpability From Indiana University

[Stuhoo 75,559]

 

Will IUBB have the guts to release this?!?

PRESS RELEASE FROM THE INDIANA UNIVERSITY ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT:

The Indiana University Board of Regents and Athletic Department, in conjunction with Hinkle's Hamburgers, is hereby  informing the NCAA, the taxpayers of the State of Indiana, the FBI, Wikileaks, and TMZ of the following recruiting and player benefit violations:

It has come to the attention of the Indiana University Athletic Department that a current Indiana University Men's Basketball scholarship player, hereafter referred to as "Player A", "Player MSB," and "The Big Enchilada" has taken extraordinary impermissible benefits before and during his time as an Indiana University scholarship athlete.

During the recruitment of this player, a former Indiana University basketball coach, hereafter referred to as "Coach A," "Coach B," "Coach C," " Coach D...Flection", and "The George Hamilton of the Hardwood" was aware that in order to enhance the chances of obtaining "The Big Enchilada's" services, "Coach D-Flect", on behalf of Indiana University would have to make a substantial payment to Incarnate Word University. Indiana University did so in the form of 89 tenderloin sandwiches and a Big Red soda. It is noted as a mitigating factor, that Indiana University deliberately left the pickles off of 83 of the 89 sandwiches.

Since arriving at Indiana University, "Player MSBenchilada" received the following impermissible benefits:

• A gently used Norelco beard trimmer
• Four Scooby Doo VHS compilation videos
• The entirety of multiple sorority houses as his personal concubines
• An autographed Haris Mujezinovic sweatband, circa 1995.

Indiana University expresses complete and extraordinary regret for it's involvement in these activities (except for the pickle-omission - we are proud of that one). Indiana University recognizes that this student-athlete would likely have compromised multiple sorority houses anyway, and that the Mujezinovich sweatband was already in this player's eBay shopping cart, BUT NEVERTHELESS, Indiana University is willing to accept appropriate penalties associated with these actions.

February 23, 2018

[HinnyHoosier 4,336]

That's impressive


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[rebelhoosier848891 9,588]

Everybody likes a good tenderloin! If past penalties are any indication—we’ll probably get the death penalty for this one! Lol...


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[pumpfake 3,914]

Sir, that is one finely crafted document!

[bigrod 2,784]

Since MSB has only played a few more minutes than I have, it could be argued that his improper benefits are not exclusive to basketball players. Therefore, not an NCAA violation.

EDIT - Of course, the other side of that coin is that he only plays in blowout wins, so those may have to be vacated.

[Tom White 1,435]

2 hours ago, Stuhoo said:

"The George Hamilton of the Hardwood"

Literally broke out laughing at this part. I wonder how many of the younger posters have any idea who he is?

[Stuhoo 75,559]

4 minutes ago, Tom White said:

Literally broke out laughing at this part. I wonder how many of the younger posters have any idea who he is?

      

[Dalton26 16,891]

This is overkill Stu, its impossible for MSB to break any rules because he is the rule. lol

[HoosierTrav 7,619]

On 2/23/2018 at 10:18 AM, rebelhoosier848891 said:

Everybody likes a good tenderloin! If past penalties are any indication—we’ll probably get the death penalty for this one! Lol...


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Not sans pickles... total deal breaker for me. Must have dill or I eat nill. 

[OliviaPope40 6,295]

Interesting document to say the least.